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After attempting weight loss for so many years of my life, going on and off so many diets and failing miserably, I came to the realization that there is no one diet anyone should be on. 

Most diets require you to overhaul your life overnight. 

Anyone can make a massive change for a short period of time, but when your life changes (and it will at some point), or you have a disruption, you will revert back to your old habits.  

The behaviors you were doing for the past 10, 20, or 30 years will start to come back. The abrupt artificial changes you made so you could follow a diet will fall by the wayside. As you revert back to your old habits, the weight you lost will return. This happens because the life, and habits, you lived before starting the diet supported the weight you were.

Weight loss is a process of moving you from where you are now with your habits to where you want to be in the long-term. 

Think of it like a road map: if you are traveling to Florida from New Jersey, you can get accurate and clear directions that are specific to your current location and desired destination. However, if you just want directions to Florida and you ask someone for help without telling them where you are starting from, then they can’t tell you the best route to reach where you want to go.

Most diet programs and books have no idea of your starting point. 

They have designed their program for a generic person. Someone who fits a certain “type,” but one who doesn’t necessarily have the same background or needs as you do.

There’s so much the diet books and programs don’t know about you, including:

• your lifestyle
• your food preferences
• your cooking ability
• your economic situation
• your pre-existing knowledge
• your family or work obligations

So how can two people with completely different home lives, education, and skill sets both expect to succeed following a one-size-fits-all diet? 

Answer: They can’t.

I had a breakthrough moment when I realized not one diet book I’d ever read told me what to do when I binged. Sure, I could white-knuckle my way through adhering to a plan for a few weeks, or even a few months, but I always ended up bingeing. I felt so alone because the diet books never talked about binge eating. 

They never suggested binge eating was a potential problem, nor did they offer ways to deal with it. Instead, they assumed the reader did not struggle with binge eating. (Interestingly, I’ve met more people who’ve struggled with binge eating throughout the weight loss process than have not.) 

Now, I understand that those books and programs were not made to help us for the long-term. 

Anybody can adhere to a diet and make behavior changes for the short-term. But then, inevitably, they will rebel. 

And what happens when something unexpected occurs? All those changes you forced into your life start feeling artificial and forced, so you quickly abandon them to go back to what you’ve always done. 

If you’d like to hear more about how to implement permanent habit changes into your life instead of “one-size-fits-all” quick fixes, then please listen to Half Size Me episode 376.

How to be successful in the long-term: slow behavior and habit change over time

Just going on a diet and suddenly changing all of the things you’re doing is a recipe for disaster.

You need to strategically build in small changes to your life. These changes will allow you to lose weight, and will also help you keep it off in the long-term. 

Most of us could lose 20, 30, or even 50 pounds quickly by following any diet. However, for many, the weight loss never sticks. You don’t want quick weight loss; you want permanent weight loss. 

Losing 20 pounds in 30 days may sound great, but when you gain it back, those 30 days are really just lost. But if you lose 20 pounds over six months and keep it off for the rest of your life, those 6 months are an investment. If you are counting down the seconds until the diet ends, it’s probably not maintainable. What you do to lose the weight should feel livable, and you should be able to see yourself doing it for a long, long time.

What are habits and how can you implement them?

Habits are everything you do from the time you get up until the time you go to bed. 

Each day of your life is really just a string of habits, one playing off another. You know there are many good habits that can help you on your weight loss journey, such as eating more vegetables, eating on smaller plates, weighing your food, tracking your food, and getting in movement. 

There are lots of other habits that can be positive. But some are neutral or negative, depending on how you approach them.

These include:

• when you get up
• when and how you get ready for your day
• what you eat for your meals and snacks
• how you prioritize your time for work, yourself, and others
• what physical activities you do (or don’t do)
• how you commute to and from work and what you do during that commute time
• how you deal with stress
• how you plan, prepare, and eat your food each day
• how you give your time away to others and not yourself
• how you talk to yourself
• how you handle “fun food” or “treats”

This list can go on and on, but I think you get the general idea. Changing these habits to positively affect your life will help you lose weight. But it needs to be done slowly and precisely if you’re doing it for the long haul.

That’s why I created the Stop Dieting Start Losing coaching cast. It will help walk you through this process. 

Most people understand the ideas and concepts, but many struggle with the process and being honest about how much change they can do at once. 

This is why I’ve created my Stop Dieting and Start Losing coach cast. In this coaching cast, I share with you how to start building in changes to your life systematically, and how to test those changes so you can be sure you’ll stick with them for the long-term.

In Stop Dieting and Start Losing, I also break down the problems with diets and how the diet industry has contributed to us feeling like we lack the self-efficacy and self-esteem to lose weight without a diet. 

Know this: You are capable and you are strong. You can lose this weight and keep it off. 

Instead of continuously getting stuck in the cycle of losing and regaining, let’s stop dieting and start losing together.

Many people trying to lose weight struggle with compulsive eating, grazing, and out-of-control nighttime eating. 

I’ve been there myself. I understand how painful it is to have a goal of losing weight, wanting to make daily progress, but then finding yourself undoing all of your progress and hard work at night. 

There are often two reasons people struggle with the problem of compulsive night eating:

1.) Lacking good foundational eating behaviors. Foundational eating behaviors are daily routines like eating regularly and prioritizing sitting down and eating off of a plate. They can include making sure your calories and macronutrients goals are covered, such as getting in enough fiber and protein. 

In our hectic lives, we are on the go so much it’s easy to skip a meal or not have the right types of foods easily available (foods that actually satiate your hunger). When we skip meals or don’t eat things that support our goals, we, not unsurprisingly, often turn to some form of compensatory eating later. 

Dr. Yoni Freedhoff extensively covers the concept of compensatory eating in his book The Diet Fix, which I have frequently mentioned on the Half Size Me show. I would encourage you to read this book to help yourself establish some good eating foundations. 

2.) A negative relationship with treats and fun food. You may think you need to be strict with food while on a diet. You might even believe you shouldn’t have any fun foods, so you wind up being at one extreme or the other. 

Either you want to lose weight and force yourself to eat healthy food all the time, or you decide to give up losing weight and eat all the foods you want, without any self-regulation. 

But what if you could reject these two extremes? What would happen if you learned to find a balance between eating treats and nutritious, filling foods? 

When you tell yourself “forget it—I don’t care about weight loss and I’ll just eat all the food I want,” you create a cycle of beliefs and judgments about your actions. 

This struggle happens with nighttime eating: you have a small treat and feel you’ve done something wrong. Then you give yourself permission to continue eating more treats. You might tell yourself, “I messed up today and will start over tomorrow.”  However, you won’t really start over because you spiral back into the same cycle again and again and again.

This cycle is what keeps you stuck. Instead of learning how to balance fun food with nutritious food, you keep fun foods out of your life when trying to lose weight. That is until you cave in and give up. 

How might this pattern change if you planned to eat certain treats every day? What if you gave yourself permission to have a treat? 

What I learned was that as long as I thought certain foods were forbidden or “bad”, I’d eventually eat them. Then I’d feel bad about myself, but I wouldn’t stop. 

This belief cycle was not helping me. 

This process helped change my relationship with treats over time. Eventually I realized I wasn’t eating treats all day long, like I used to. Just like I don’t spend money on fun purchases all day long, I couldn’t spend my calories on fun food all the time. But that didn’t mean I could “never” enjoy treats either.

To me, the cycle of making certain foods “off limits” and then eating out of control was, in fact, a type of prison. And I couldn’t figure out how to pull myself out. I asked myself, “How can I be so prepared—have all my food planned and prepared—then feel so out of control later on in the day?” 

I slowly climbed out of this cycle by establishing healthy boundaries for myself.

I had to learn how to balance treats while losing weight. And now, I do it while maintaining my weight loss. 

I found I was much more successful at reaching my goals when I allowed myself to have treats every day. I had established healthy boundaries around my eating. I gave myself permission to eat treats and a time frame within which to eat them. 

If this is something you struggle with too, then I want to help you do it with my Escape the Food Prison coaching cast. 

In Escape the Food Prison, I will walk you through the process of creating the healthy food foundations and learning the process of delayed gratification so you can also stop this cycle. 

If you’d like to hear me discussing this coaching cast and more about nighttime and compulsive eating, please listen to Half Size Me: Ask Coach Heather Session 40: Getting Control Over Nighttime and Compulsive Eating.

I’m looking forward to going on this journey with you and really working on helping you find the balance you need to reach your goals.